By ENGR101.com Staff and a Contributor
Published January 26, 2011
What is the difference between a mechanical engineer and a civil engineer?
A mechanical engineer builds weapons.
A civil engineer builds targets.
Understanding Engineers – Lesson Four
Category : Humor
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Understanding Engineers – Lesson Three
Category : Humor
By ENGR101.com Staff and a Contributor
Published January 20, 2011
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were playing golf one morning when they fell behind a particularly slow group of golfers ahead.
The engineer fumed, “What’s with those guys? We’ve been waiting for fifteen minutes!”
The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!”
The priest said, “Here comes the green-keeper. Let’s have a word with him.” He said, “Hello George, what’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”
George replied, “Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”
The doctor said, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”
The engineer asked, “Why can’t they play at night?”
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Understanding Engineers – Lesson Two
Category : Humor
By ENGR101.com Staff and a Contributor
Published January 10, 2011
To an optimist, the glass is half-full.
To a pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To an engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
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Understanding Engineers – Lesson One
Category : Humor
By ENGR101.com Staff and a Contributor
Published January 3, 2011
Two male engineering students were riding bicycles across the University of Texas campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”
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By ENGR101 Staff and Anonymous
Austin, TX – A University of Texas engineering professor was arrested today at Austin-Bergstrom International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a compass, a protractor, a slide-rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder was heard to say that he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
“Al-Gebra is a problem for us,” the Attorney General announced. “They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values….” They use secret code names like ‘X’ and ‘Y’ and refer to themselves as “unknowns”, but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, “There are three sides to every triangle”. When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.” White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will soon follow.
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